Why Does My Skyrim Family Call My Dog Stupid
This Guy Adopted A Dog In "Skyrim" And It Was Hilarious
The greatest video-game shaggy canis familiaris story always told.
You might have heard of Skyrim, the mega-popular fifth instalment in the Tolkien-inspired Elder Scrolls video game serial, in which you kill dragons by shouting at them.
This morning he tweeted a story about how he found a dog in Skyrim and tried to adopt it. Hold on tight because it is Ballsy.
Lenton really liked the dog.
@PatrickLenton and I fucking love this domestic dog, but i'm wondering around trying to solve quests and save the globe and junk, only this practiced domestic dog
@PatrickLenton this skillful dog always tries to help out fighting giants and dragons, and it's like 'NO DON'T HURT MY Dog'
He fought difficult to stop dragons eating it.
@PatrickLenton and i take to fight similar 300% harder to salve my dog from existence eaten by a dragon and i've honestly never been so anxious
He built a house for the domestic dog.
@PatrickLenton then then I find out that I can build a homestead and my dog tin live there, and then the next four days of my life are building shit
@PatrickLenton while bandits and dragons still attack my domestic dog while i'm encarmine mining ore and edifice a goddamn solarium for my pooch
Just there'south a trouble:
@PatrickLenton and then the dog won't stay in the house, and I discover I have to prefer a child get-go, and the child has to like my domestic dog
@PatrickLenton so i go to an orphanage, to discover they are being mistreated by an evil woman, so I kill her
And that doesn't quite work out.
@PatrickLenton only then I tin can't adopt a child any more because they are free! So I wander Skyrim looking for a parent-free child somewhere
@PatrickLenton and and then finally I find some daughter begging in Whiterun, and she's all like 'thanks Mum!' (I play a lady cat-wizard)
@PatrickLenton and then I detect that the girl WON'T Move INTO MY HOUSE Because I DIDN'T MAKE A PROPER BED FOR HER
@PatrickLenton Then I DECIDE TO BUILD A NEW HOUSE, ON A FUCKING LAKE Considering I FIGURE Information technology Will BE A Practiced PLACE TO RAISE CHILDREN OR Any
@PatrickLenton Simply Offset I HAVE TO BECOME A THANE OF FALKREATH AND DO ALL THESE QUESTS TO HELP PEOPLE Earlier THEY Requite ME A PLOT OF LAND
And still, the dog was following him effectually.
@PatrickLenton and my dog is Nonetheless following me around STILL well-nigh dying in every fight, and I'm just a tense, scared motherfucker
@PatrickLenton anyway, then I run into another goddamn dog on the road, only it's a fucking demon dog, and it comes with me too
@PatrickLenton and it's like - months have passed by in the game, the world is beingness invaded past dragons, and I'chiliad just focused on real estate
@PatrickLenton finally i build my new lakefront business firm, and go find my girl (who has been living on the streets for nigh two months)
@PatrickLenton information technology's like - LITERALLY, beggars can't be choosers, but bc i didn't make a nice bed for her, she sleeps on a bench in Whiterun
@PatrickLenton and she moves in to my house, which is correct next to a cave of wolves and a necromancers summoning circumvolve, just whatev
Equally if things couldn't get whatever worse, the girl instead adopts something else.
@PatrickLenton and I walk into the house, with my goddamn dog, waiting for her to adopt my domestic dog then I can go save the world
@PatrickLenton In that location IS THIS GORGEOUS, Brave Dog WHO But WANTS TO SETTLE Downwards IN FRONT OF A HEARTH
In that location is a slight tangent in the story here about Lenton'south character marrying a "hot to trot" lioness chosen Mjoll.
@PatrickLenton in the meantime, I go married to a lady named Mjoll the Lioness, bc she's hot to trot and will exist a good lesbian mother
Information technology turns out Skyrim is a socially progressive identify.
@PatrickLenton and information technology'south like - practise we have a polyamorous relationship and are raising our homeless daughter and her rat? bc that's cool
@PatrickLenton so I'm similar 'i'll become and find a brother for my new daughter' and he can adopt the canis familiaris. Hopefully.
@PatrickLenton and it works out - the boy wants my dog, my dog likes the boy, everything is fine, the dog has been successfully adopted.
And phew! That's the end of it.
OH WAIT NO Information technology'S Not.
@PatrickLenton although I then discover that Mjoll'southward "friend" Aerin keeps yelling 'stupid dog' at my gorgeous canis familiaris.
@PatrickLenton then I waited until he was outside and I endeavour to brand him fuck off back to his Ain HOUSE
@PatrickLenton my theory was that I could shout him into the lake? anyway, I misjudged and shouted him into the necromancer circumvolve
Oops.
@PatrickLenton and my married woman saw me kill him, and attacked me, and I didn't want to kill her, and then i ran away
@PatrickLenton then I merely never went dorsum to my house, but even though I destroyed my marriage and killed a man
But still. All's well that ends well.
We asked Lenton if there was any update and sadly in that location isn't, there's just a reminder that relationships in fantasy computer games tin be hard piece of work.
@psmith this all happened a while agone on a housemates Xbox. From memory every time I got nearly my firm, aroused wife would chase me off :(
Read the whole thing in full here.
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/patricksmith/wait-until-you-get-to-the-bit-about-the-rat
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